i walk a lonely road

i walk a lonely road

She won't understand me !

You're standing here,
the water drips,
down your face
onto your neck.

Mascara runs
blush fades away
look, i m watching--
it's really me.

I'm standing there
you're here
i can't join you now--
you won't understand.

This feeling's pure
soon it'll fade away
when the sun comes out,
and drys away the day.

You're looking out your blinds
but you still don't see--
you don't see pass the storm
Look right through my eyes.

This rain is cold
this love is cold
i'll wait again--
for the next rain.

life - my father told me

Life has never been a bed of roses all the way.
Sometimes the road has not smooth or
the wheel punctures along the way.
The world of ours has so many things to be revealed,
and this can be done efficiently with the help of
understanding companions.
Human bondage is more cherised in the
orient than elsewhere, and such a plus point has its advantages.
The less said the better- no pun intended.

My life at Nirma – Saukem, Porbandar ! ! !

Yes, the journey has been transcending and I hope it will continue to be so. Life here in Nirma is altogether different than what I used to live in Rajkot during fascinating college life. As an engeneeroid, I used to get so many chances to do so many things, cult-fest, tech-fest, sports events, submission tension, viva havocs, and practical nightmares, late night reading and chai-theplas (at shreeji on kalawad road and joker gathiya and thepla-suki bhaji at suryakant) & kharis, goof-ups, masti, kick-ups, booze parties and what not. Pumped-up parties, rock shows and garba nights in college had its own glamour and has an indelible footprints in my heart. I still cherish them. Listening to linkin park, nirvana, guns n roses, enigma, rasmus, and lots of such rocking music in my 2000 Watt music system. All this is passé now for me. Everything is vanished, everything, like college life enjoyment has come to an end. But then, it has to go in this way only.

Now I m a professional and have learned a lot and it certainly has made a lot of difference in the way I think and perceive things. My behaviour to wards my colleges(and my friends too), society and specially towards my family members has changed a lot.

The most important learning for me has been about how to live without the comfort that your parents provide you and how to deal with it. Initially, it was difficult but as time passed by we have to get over it. Yes, I still miss home and specially college life at Rajkot very much but then, who doesn’t.

The main problem here in Saukem is eatery. Food provided in the mess, on the company’s subsidy is something that a normal human being just can’t swallow. so myself, Chirag and Devendra have started Rameshbhai’s tiffin service. It’s nice, bit tasty and at least swallow-o-ble. The good, not the best thing about the tiffin service is, it provides wafers. And we all love it.

Working in company, Oops, the nightmare came true. Really, no doubt, I had always a reverie about, being an electrical engineer I will work in company and in fields for power transmission company. But after getting selected in campus in Nirma Chemicals, and specially after coming to Porbandar in Saukem, I met the reality. Working in shifts, and changing of it every week was like putting your leg every week in cow’s stool. Working in the factory arena is good, but the way we work over there is bit awkward. It’s altogether a different story. I have Tuesday as my weekly off, from every Wednesday, my shift changes, A shift- morning six to afternoon two, B-after noon two to night ten, And C-night ten to morning six. The bloodiest shift is morning one, and the creamy is C. as you might be knowing, engineers are owls. Right ? The only problem with C aka night shift is, mosquitoes. They bite us like hell. On hands, on ass, on legs and where not yaar.

But yes, this is a company and I’m the employee. I have to work and provide a solution of a fault using my technical skills. I’m a staff member, not a worker. I get a salary and not a wage. I have to be more mature, and more ethical and authentic in my behaviour. I can’t loose my temper; I can’t just have a fight with my colleague and shout at him in vulgar slang. Even at night, in wee hours, no matter how much harsh the condition is, I’ve to remain polite with my colleagues and workers.

To write about what I have felt and been through in these four and a half months (to be exact) will take many pages but I hope that my life at SauKem continues to be more and more knowledge-o-ble and full of life-time-experience.

Jalpa's Wedding

Past week had remained quite rustic and highly mobilized. Transporting myself from Porbandar to Rajkot to Veraval and again moving in the same loop twice was like a roller-coaster ride, one for Kankotri printing and secondly for Dharmistha’s wedding. Life just doesn’t come to a halt. What we need in life is a dynamic approach with a bit of routine touch so as to satiate ourselves. At least of a simple type, but then there should be a one.

inside the truck

Going to Rajkot from Porbandar for transferring whole residence goods to Veraval, so scrutinizing, packing and then loading everything onto a truck was a big mess. I just survived. And then traveling the same truck to Veraval was a night mare. I hardly survived those dumping roads. It doesn’t seem that a road bears holes, rather holes bear the road. After reaching Veraval, we need to do the reverse of what we did in Rajkot. Unpack, scrutinize and self it.

By the time, job in Porbandar was come calling and Jalpa’s marriage is around the corner. (on 12th of Dec in fact) So doing a day or two shifts in Porbandar I had to roll on to Rajkot for wedding card printing. So after having total three shifts in Porbandar I moved on to Rajkot.

Now those three days in Rajkot without vehicle and almost on the mercy of my friends, I somehow finished my work and was on my way home to Veraval. Doing Kankotri work and its printing was not that cumbersome as I had bit of past experience that of Vibration and such other college tech-fests. While my stay in Rajkot from 24th to 26th November, I thought of myself a lot. Walking down the mazes of Rajkot, almost for the first time ever in last six and a half years; only the thing, my eyes didn’t welled. And yeah, on the last day of my stay in Rajkot, Hetal called me. I denied. I shouted. I was on fire. I calm down. I called her back. I said can I come? And there I was on my way to her residence. Sitting at her residence with her and her mother was quite a respite for me. Rather a treat. And hey, by the way Hetal, that cold coffee was more of a banana juice than a coffee.

kankotri

I can’t forget the down to earth nature of some of my friends who helped me during my stay at Rajkot. I can’t forget Alpesh, Jotangia and Hansal for their support. If they weren’t my friend, I wouldn’t have gone to Rajkot, that’s for sure.

Kankotri – the wedding invitation card was a major load. And then, marriage venue, catering, transportation, flowers, puja stuffs and other lot myriad of things were on its way to be done. My job was: to do everything. To arrange all these things, what ever I’ve mentioned. Starting with invitation card.

mom n dad writing kankotri's to relatives

Life’s a continuum. Life takes a roller coaster ride, juxtaposing you like tiny tot of a bioscope, rolling over from one side to another. And onto that, being an engineer, one always (rather has to live) lives in one upon trance.

Mom always says for incantation. Reciting Gayatri Mantra definitely has magical effect. But then, I say back, mom you do it double. Half for me too, and it helps. My mom is too good. Oo…I got a call from dad. I have to go. Bye. Ciao. I’ll write later on.

A Monsoon Day

That day I came exhausted from my mundane job. Walking 2000 meters is not an easy job for a hot rough day and that even after eight hours of ass-bustling job. But is surely a pleasure for a monsoon raining day. Sun plays hide & seek with clouds camouflages itself. Those fine droplets drenching me bit by bit were singing the natures song. Reaching the staff hostel-aka my new destination now-a-days – sat down on the porch under the marquee protecting my self from nature pearls. I didn’t wish to go in my room considering the atmosphere and the vibes being emitted. High-accelerated cool zephyr was blowing and was giving a chilly touch to my body. As I was sitting there, I saw a puddle, almost heart shaped. It was full of water, but muddy. Fine rainwater droplets were giving a tender touch to the surface of puddle water. I was elated as well stunned as to see the charisma of nature. But something was hindering me. I stood up gave my legs some acceleration and reached to the puddle. I vigorously pulled away all the puddle water out of it. Cleaned all the dust and made it clean and returned to my sitting. While after, rainwater poured in and puddle was full again. The rain pearls where singing the natures song, dappling on the water surface, creating ripples and forming concentric circles, choiring the nature. Each ripple at different parts of the puddle was a whole world in itself. Each one trying to interject each other, but before they even know they exist, they were forced to die and new ripples were taking their place. You work all day long midst of coarse and wolfing sound of the factory, yelling and crying of workers and high temperature, onto that, wearing helmet, nose cuff and safety shoes – aka hunter shoes-one feel like a monster drilling inside. At the end of the day you fell totally exhausted, energy’s drained, all enthusiasm gone, back wrecked, legs tired. Seems like all juices of your body is been sucked by the dinosaur company. But after all this, when one see something like nature’s classiness, one get in the groove and feel the nature in one’s closet, one feel fresh, energetic and full of inner urge to think and to do something new and vibrant.

A women in Love with Herself

Unconditional, selfless love
Cherishing a tender dove.
Smirks & giggles,
Tempers & moods.
Temperamental n supernatural
Diplomatic n democratic.
Monarchy, not anarchy
Dedicated, not distracted.
Antidote of her own love,
Makes her feel fresh all life long.
Elixir is her soothing,
Without which she’s nothing.
She’s the best, craves the greatest,
Inflinching beauty, neglecting the creepiest.
Thinking of him every minute,
Never gets into tantrum fit.
She never fails in rejoicing,
She always adorns the gracing.
Always lives the moments,
Without hiccups & comments.
Cherishes the past,
Never lives in cast.
Always founds the superlative love,
Comparable with the sky above.
She always resists & persists,
She always devotes,
She never hesitates,
She always makes the up-troughs,
She’s the dearest; she’s the calmest,
She’s the one who makes everyone uphill.
She’s the goddess; she’s the prowess,
She’s the mother; she’s the sister,
She’s love; she’s darling love.

Lila

Beneath the marquee, on the outer porch he was playing marbles. He never felt alone, he never felt loony. He used to play all the games alone. May be there was some kinda chip inserted in his brain, which made him dual. He was the only boy of widowed Lila. She was beautiful indeed. At the age of thirty-five, she was looking no more then thirty. Still the same aura, the same freshness, those sharp curves adorned her body. She undoubtedly maintained her skin. Slim & trendy with cheesy thighs and bright fair complexion, she looked more than beautiful. Her melancholic almond shaped hazel eyes with crimson lips and tight buttocks can make anybody turn on. After all she was the wife of an ex-Indian Air Force pilot Wg. Cdr. Kandarp Bhargava. He, unfortunately died while on an air-to-ground strike during 2001 Kargil war, which was a heart-sank demise for Lila of her beloved hubby. He was flying with Mig-29 laser tipped bombing attack on hidden Pakistani camouflages, and met sudden demise as a bazooka touched his Mig’s fuel tank when he was flying at lower altitudes. He was a Badminton champion during CDS academy training, and that’s the place where, he met Lila for the first time. They were face to face during Badminton Championship match during Sports Fiesta, the annual flagship even of Dehradun Air Force Academy. Lila is the only child of Air Vice Marshall Sudhir Mishra. No doubt, both Lila and Kandarp were flamboyant and flashy. Each one had full qualities to attract each other. All that needed is, only one approach by any one of them. Gradually, everything went on properly and they got married in a short while. They were like two bodies and one soul. They always enjoyed their lovely moments, and treasured them. Which might Lila is cherishing now a days. She still remembers those late night bed dramas and rose petal baths, kitchen masti and late night terrace goof-ups. She still remembers how they used to remain seated for hours & hours, arms in arms feeling the warmth of their closeness on the terrace, wrapped in a single bed sheet fully naked and toasting red wine; and the kid still plays alone, and can see a sparkle rolling down her face.

Ciao.

Ode to you

Sometimes thou look more fine;
Than the imagination of mine.

Sometimes thou appear more dreadful;
Than the nightmares of nights fateful.

Sometimes it’s much rest in embracing thee;
Sometimes thy every touch pierces me.

Sometimes I seek supremacy in thy attainment;
Sometimes I get almighty in thy detainment.

Tell me, O adore !!! What’s prettier of thine ???
Thy affection or separation,
Especially for me !!!

You’re the hope n humm,
You’re the creativity n art,
You’re the learn n teach,

You’re the creator of thy life >>>!!!

a boy n a gal - in crisis of life.. Part I

Situation: a boy n a gal - in crisis of life.. Part I
Two mortals, bodily fleshy, reached at a position where they’re forced to make a decision. It's a description of two person - a boy n a gal - 'ving a rock solid foundation of friedship, now at an avalanche.

The same darkness prevailed - dearth’s into grave in which the temple of love – marie antoinettes vanished. The same silence, the same despair, the same suspense, the same phenomenon. Then the blackness – radiating stillness breaks softly into silver mist and strange airs as the wind swept harped in her, at the dawning of the moon – moon from the green cheese. It raises full over the desert and a vast horizon comes into relief; broken by a huge shape which soon reveals itself in the spreading radiance as the man pedestalled on the sands. The light still clears, until the upraised eyes of the blackened image - distinguished looking straight forward and upward in infinite fearless vigil, and a mass of color between its great paws defines itself as a heap of red poppies on which a girl lies motionless, her crimson gown heaving gently on the marble porch and her curly long hair glittering in a shaft of moonlight like a bird’s wing.

Suddenly there comes from afar a vaguely fearful sound and the music of nature stops. A deep silence. Both sides went to deep grotto. Then a few faint high-pitched boast notes. Then silence again. Then a man comes from the south with stealing steps, ravished by the mystery of the night, all wonder and halts, lost in contemplation, whose bosom, with its burden, is hidden from him by its massive shoulder – a Sphinx.

She was the girl, waiting for his presence till eternity, waiting for his acceptance, waiting to get his image, waiting for getting his grace. She was catchy, she was cheesy, never the less, got his appearance out in the dark.

he, the man hail like a salutation to Antonio, hath wandered in many lands, seeking the lost regions from which his birth into this world exiled him, and the company of creatures such as I myself. He have found flocks and pastures, men and cities, but no other creatures, no air native to him, no man kindred to him, none can do his day’s deed and think his night’s thought. In the little world, lingering his heart, his place is as high as hectors in this great desert; only he wander, and she sit still; he conquer, and he endure; he work and wonder, you watch and wait; he look up and we dazzled, look down and we darkened, look round and we puzzled, whilst his eyes never turn from looking out – out of the world – to the lost region – the home from which he have strayed. She n him, strangers in a strange world, to the race of men, are no stranger to one another: have he not been conscious of her and of this place since he was born? (too much…?) Love is madman’s dream: this was his reality. These jinx steps lamps of hers he hath seen from afar her inner soul. Signaling great secrets to some eternal sentinel below, whose post, she never could find. And here at last is their sentinel – an image of the constant and immortal part of his life, silent, full of thoughts, alone in the silver desert, sphinx, sphinx: he hath climbed mountains at night to hear in the distance the stealthy indelible footfall of the winds that chase our sands in forbidden play. o ma, laughing in whispers. His way hither is the way to destiny; for he, a genius, is the symbol of almighty nature: part brute, part rascal, part authenticate, part behemoth, part god – nothing of nature in me (don’t read “not at al”). have she read his riddle, sphinx ?

She tries to find it out thus:

She follows him,
silence sounding louder
as they steal across the desert.
The moonlight wanes:
the horizon again went black
broken
by the cajole silhouette
of the sphinx.
She wants him
She cares for him
She needs him in despair
She surges out of phoenix
She counts the tabs
She counts the heartbeats
She remembers the hill
They climbed together
She remembers the moments
They cherished together.
But
The sky itself vanishes
in darkenss,
no relief until the gleam
distant torch falls
great pillars of
antoinettes-temple of love
supporting the roof
of a majestic relationship.
She shouts in commotion:
I need ur reassurance,
I need ur sensuality,
I need ur regularity,
I need ur d same casualness,
I need ur same stimulation,
I need ur same warmth,
thru out d life,
I need ur mortality,
I need u in totality.
I need u in my vision,
I need u in my voice,
I need u in my breath,
I need u in my care,
I need u in my soul.

P.S. inspired frm Ceaser n Cleopatra by Bernard Shaw.

Relationship - of - Love, Love - of - Relationship

In the first place, do we really understand the true n worthy meaning of Relationship?

This shit word or say phenomenon is the ridicule datum of all cause. We eventually (read normally) fall into the trap of three states of consciousness together. Viz. subconscious, present n future. They’re like the vectorial representation of three vectors heading in completely different direction. Theoretically they’ve only 120 ^ 0 (120 degree) of difference, but in reality they mean the total “life shift”. Now this means, hoping for the best, we reap the worst. But, according to me, this is normal. ‘coz it’s not you who ‘ve decided the datum or say the zero point. n for dat cause, our life is a mélange of hyper dogged confusion of relationships, created by this very nature. Emotions most ever an obstinate, is rightly said. You never know, when it came, n when u got trapped...but u ll definitely ll remain aware n confused, when u gonna leave it.

Emotion’s of relationship (read love) is often mixed with other feelings like guilty, obligation, non-loyalty, content, disgust, disgrace, (stimes prejudice) et al. And this, effectively roots us to lower grade of relationships, where expectations does not intersect. They form the citadel of tangents at spatial. Then, by the virtue of such cult’s it becomes too difficult to ponder on the definitions, dimensions or paradigms of true relationship; ’coz of personal investment(s) of non-called emotions & feelings. When we embarked for a true long-term relationship (m talking abt two opp. sex personals) we never know, when such cult got introduced somewhere in the mid-way. And then , they ‘ll never allow your to intersect the needs of the Relationship. Have your ever noticed that you reached at a certain critical stage—a point - beyond which you simply cannot fly in the name of having Relationship ?

I did.

It’s always there, we’re, at all times are showered (read wet) with horn’s of dilemma. Although, we never cry playing out our experiences. No doubt, very often, the answer to the next junction(s) is/are within us, and our desire to achieve those manifests remains unfolded n unturned. But when u achieve them (conditions do apply) you feel the wholeness & completeness within you. You understand the true worth of her/his.

m still despair…

At times, most loving word that we can utter in such condition to other person is “NO”, though you hate it the most. We grow in love - sometimes happily, sometimes painfully, sometimes gaining, sometimes loosing.
Why gaining? Hey, who said u’ve to loose a lot in love. n love is all abt loosing yourself….it’s all bullshit. This is true, only when u can c ur zenith, ur pinnacle...else all despair. We always grow in love, u grow nirvanically, u grow spiritually, u grow sympathically, u grow literally in all sense.

But still, ...at least at this very moment, I can’t sit thinking - I’m clear with all my Relationships. There’re lots of illusions which lingers n has got overloaded on my heart n mind, n hinders the clarity of Relationships (I can call it love). Though, the illusions I’ve for myself, in my take for her, carries an infinite explosion of affection for her & is a sure-shot a reflection of harmless, platonic - purity of love.